Sirafi
was frozen in place and thought “I know
we all have beef with Sango but really why do we stoop to his level, we should
just ignore him.”
Damonra
knowing what Sirafi was thinking came forward and said “that is enough, we are
family and as thus we must respect each other and protect each other, Kasanoni
you should know better than to force your power onto people, respect and
kindness will carry us farther than any blade.”
And turning to talk to Sango “I know not why you dislike us but please
we are family, so Sango please try to be pleasant at the dinner tonight.”
Sango bowed his head and said “as you wish my
liege.” There was a bitter mocking in
his voice that could not be identified where it originated but had a hint of
jealousy and greed. Sango then left the
court yard. It took a few minutes for everyone
in the courtyard to realize that Sango had tell me what you all think and let me know your opinions on this excerpt.
Well, let me start off by saying that I'm a huge fan of the fact that the first piece of personal narrative from one of your characters included his dissecting the fact that he and others had "beef" with Sango, lol - great use of your voice there!
ReplyDeleteSeems like you're developing your characters thoroughly also.
Have you ever read On Writing, by Steven King? Since you're an aspiring writer, I think you'd really enjoy all the little tricks of the trade he offers.
As for your excerpt it definitely left me hanging - I look forward to the next!!